The Universe will give us what we really want, if we insist on it calmly and consistently, and refuse to compromise. If we don’t do this, then instead of giving us what we really want, the Universe will give us what we are willing to accept. And if you are willing to accept a crappy situation or less than you really want, then you’d better believe that’s exactly what you’re going to get, framed as a life lesson. Your whole life will become a long parade of less-than-you-really-want situations, relationships, jobs, etc. It will become an exercise in compromise, frustration and mediocrity. And investing yourself in situations that are less than you really want is exhausting. This is exactly the life that most people are living in the world today.
Learn To Say No
The key to getting exactly what you want is to first refuse what you don’t really want. To flatly refuse to settle for less and to avoid getting distracted by lesser situations and circumstances. Refuse to allow your time and energy to be sucked away each day by situations and scenarios you really don’t want to be dealing with. The Universe will always test you multiple times to see if you’re willing to settle for less, and distraction is the number one enemy of getting what you really want. Any highly successful business person will tell you that learning to say No is far more important than saying Yes. Unless it’s a Heck Yeah!, then it’s a No by default. You are only in this body for a very short time, and you don’t have time for mediocrity. The more successful you become, the more people will want to become involved with you, most of them not ready to reciprocate time and energy equally. Learning to say No is absolutely essential.
The Universe Has Unlimited Resources
(It Doesn’t Have To Be All On You)
Most people are uncomfortable with saying No. It is judged as selfish and unreasonable. We should all just try to be nice and kind to each other right? We should support and accommodate each other as much as possible and create a beautiful world together right? It’s a nice sentiment, but real life doesn’t really work this way. True support and kindness is only possible when everyone is taking responsibility for themselves, and the considerations go both ways. Those people and situations in your life that are using up your time and energy, and sucking you dry, are mostly likely involving you in a cycle of dependency and abuse. Especially when you’re forced into a situation because it seems there’s no-one else available. The Universe has unlimited resources, and our own souls co-created this Multiverse together. Nobody is obligated to unreasonably compromise themselves and go against their inner guidance because of the needs of others. There are a few exceptions, such as taking care of children and those close to you, but even in those situations it is almost always possible to negotiate the situation so that it is also serving your highest good.
Being Honest
There are almost always multiple options available for the needs of others to be met, it doesn’t always have to be on you. All it takes is to put your foot down and acknowledge that your life and your path are important too. Be honest with the other party and let them know that you’re not happy with the current situation. As soon as you voice your real feelings, you will be amazed at the options that open up. Nobody really likes making another person miserable. Nobody wants to be a parasite that is sucking the other person dry. Most of the time people are not aware of the impact that they are having on your life, and being honest will resolve this. And if the other person doesn’t care about your feelings or needs, then why should you bend over backwards to accommodate theirs? It might be time for some tough love! (especially with teens and other family members)
Put Your Needs on Par with Others
Many people will bend over backwards to accommodate every tiny little perceived need of another, compromising and degrading their own life in the process. They think that they are doing the right thing, taking care of a loved one or an important situation. What they are actually doing is perpetuating a cycle of abuse. The degradation of their own life and their unwillingness to take care of their own needs is a reflection of their low self-esteem. They are using the other person as a karmic partner to act out their own feelings of unworthiness. Such situations are subject to a variety of distortions. For example, sometimes the needs that you are bending over backwards to meet, the other person doesn’t even care about. Or they would rather be left alone to meet those needs themselves. You end up wasting your time and energy trying to meet the needs of another, when most of it is actually just in your own head. In those cases, you are really just playing out your own karma, rather than meeting the real needs of another.
Instead of catering to every tiny little need that another person has, put your own needs on par with theirs. And if they don’t like it, that’s their problem! When you assert your own needs, you will very quickly find out who is a considerate and understanding person, and who is an abuser. If someone is not acknowledging your life and soul path, and treating them as importantly as their own, that’s a huge red flag. Abusers are typically unable to perceive or value the needs of others, or they will only value another person’s needs if they suit their agenda. They are in a mode of using and abusing, and not respect and understanding. Abusive people still do have real needs that you may decide should be met, especially when taking care of teenagers or loved ones, but we have to learn to differentiate between real needs and abusive behaviors.
A Humorous Example
Years ago, I had a spoiled teenager in my extended family that I was very fond of. She and I are old, old soulmates and have spent many lifetimes together, so I greatly enjoyed spoiling her for awhile. She wanted lots of expensive presents and I was usually willing to accommodate her. However, one day I decided that it had gone far enough. The pivotal moment came when she wanted to go to the mall to “just look” at something expensive she wanted. I said, “Sure! Let’s go!” If I had suppressed this desire in her, then it would have just gotten worse. So, instead of suppressing her and getting involved in an energy draining argument, I played along and laid a trap for her. When we arrived at the mall, she was fully expecting that I would buy it for her. She picked up the item excitedly and started talking about how great it was and how much she loved it. Then she looked at me with those innocent cute little pleading puppy dog eyes and asked the big question, “And will you buy it for meeeeeee???” I smiled and looked at her directly and said, “Nope!” Immediately the temper tantrum ensued, “Why? Why? Why? But I want it! Pleeeeeeasssse????” My answer was the same, “Nope!” “But why? Why won’t you buy for me??? I really need it!!!”, she insisted. “I don’t know, just don’t feel like it.”, I replied. She started jumping up and down, pretending to cry and yelling. People in the mall were looking and smirking. I stood there calmly and laughed at her like she was telling a great joke. The madder she got, the more I laughed like it was great entertainment. She abruptly stopped the tantrum and said, “Fine! OK.” and returned the item to the shelf. She said no more about it, and has never again behaved that way with me (even though she continued to behave that way for a number of years with her family). Even more amazing, she wasn’t even angry with me, and I didn’t become “the enemy” like the rest of her family had become to her.
No Arguing, Justifying or Negotiating
Most people would have tried to negotiate with her and give her a reason why they couldn’t buy it for her, such as “It’s too expensive”, or “You don’t really need that”, or “But, I just bought you something expensive the other day”, and so on. However, I had been watching her arguments and negotiations with her family for years, and knew I didn’t want to become involved in that. Refusing to respond to her tantrum or argue with her, and laughing at her tantrum like she was a clown, completely short circuited her act. Abusive and needy people are usually masters of negotiation and manipulation, and arguing with them usually doesn’t go anywhere. It can also be very draining. The solution is to refuse to argue with them, and to refrain from trying to placate them with reasons or justifications. Be direct and honest and leave them to stew in their own juices.
Example:
— “But why do you need time alone? Don’t you like to be with me?”
Answer: “I need alone time regularly to feel balanced and happy.”
— “But why? Don’t I make you feel happy? I thought you loved me?? Why do you suddenly want to be separate from me?”
Answer: Don’t take the bait! Don’t argue or try to justify yourself to a needy person. Simply say: “I do love you, but I need time alone.”
State the truth, but give them no arguments, reasons, or justifications. You’re not obligated to explain or justify yourself to anyone, especially a needy draining person. Once all their ammo has been taken away from them, they’ll no longer have anything to fight you with. At this point, most people will simply stop, however, if they continue to complain then just ignore them. Give their abusive behaviors no compromise or consideration whatsoever. This may seem cold, but once you realize the true nature of abusive behaviors, then there is no reason to give in to those behaviors even one inch. Abusive behaviors and drug addiction have a lot in common. Giving in to abusive behaviors is the same as giving a drug addict their fix. It makes them happy for a little while, but pretty soon the monkey is back making you both miserable again.
The Problem of Low Self-Esteem
One of the biggest problems in our world is low self-esteem. Most people are constantly judging themselves, and subconsciously deem themselves unworthy of achieving their dreams. This is the real reason that people are willing to accept cycles of abuse in their lives. They are unwilling or unable to be honest with those around them about their feelings. They feel unworthy and secretly feel that they deserve to be abused and have their lives degraded. The part of you that feels unworthy wants you to fail. In fact, it is so fixated on its desire to fail, that it will stop at nothing until your dreams have been completely defeated. “It is inevitable, Mr. Anderson”, says the wounded self. “You were always worthless to begin with, so of course you would fail.” “Nobody could love a piece of garbage like you anyway, so how could it be any different?” “Of course someone like you would be abandoned and unloved. How could someone worthless like you experience anything different?”
The low self-esteem that people struggle with is just the tip of the iceberg. The toxic self-sabotaging part of ourselves must be detoxed and defused. To completely overcome this is difficult, but possible. Make time for yourself to be alone, do things you enjoy, treat yourself well, and above all meditate and contemplate. Imagine that you have a beloved one that you would do anything in the world for, and then compare that to how you treat yourself. See the vast differences? You are the Divine Child of a Heavenly Mother and Father. You are their Beloved. This is the Holy Trinity. Of course your divine parents want you to be treated well. Treat yourself like your Heavenly Mother and Father want you to be treated. When you do so, you will automatically treat others well and stop all cycles of abuse. Spend time alone in meditation and contemplate your life. Soon all the cycles of abuse and how you are creating them, will be revealed to you. Eventually, you will have the strength to be honest with those around you. You will stop the abuse and reclaim your life!
Reclaiming Your Life
It IS possible to take care of the needs of others without ruining your own life. All you have to do is to create time for yourself. Spend time alone each day contemplating, meditating, and taking care of your own needs. Soon the steps you need to take in your own life will become clear. If it is not possible to be physically alone, then be honest with others and draw your boundaries. Use earplugs or headphones to shut yourself off from extraneous noise and toxic behaviors (such as people who constantly watch TV or play music). And make sure that those people know that you do not wish to interact with them during your alone time. Be very clear about it.
If a person is not respecting your boundaries, then you have to set them straight, it is not negotiable. And the more they violate your boundaries, the tougher you have to be with them. People that are very abusive sometimes need to be abused themselves in order to understand. They cannot be reached in any other way. For example, a neighbor of mine was abusive to me off and on for a few years before I finally got tired of it. She is infamous in the area where I live for being a problem person. The next time she came to trouble me, I turned into an angry bear and absolutely let her have it. I didn’t become physically violent, nor did I scream at her or use any curse words. I simply told her in a loud firm voice exactly what I thought of her and her “requests”. I was not nice about it, nor did I make any effort to censor my words. The shock on her face was tremendous, she turned around and fled without saying another word. Since then, she has not troubled me a single time. Problem solved! Most of the time, that’s all it takes. Abusive people very often have no idea that they are being abusive. And it is up to the rest of us to give them a wake up call.
Dealing with Ego Traps
After you have reclaimed your life and created time for yourself, the next step is to deal with the traps of the subconscious ego. Our subconscious mind is a vast ocean of pure consciousness that contains almost endless amounts of positive and negative energies. Our Soul weaves these energies into our own unique Karmic tapestry, and the threads of the tapestry make up our lives and the karmic patterns that we get drawn into. However, it is possible to be in control of your own life, instead of being a karmic puppet. It takes a lot of inner work to break free of karmic cycles, but it is well worth it. The improvement in the quality of your life will be immense. The Final Frontier is not outer space, but the journey within. The way to start this journey is to surrender to Spirit in meditation. You completely surrender to Spirit (whatever you believe the Divine to be), relaxing into peace and humility, while keeping in your heart exactly what you want your life to be like. You insist on what you want without compromise or fear, and then you let it all go. Meditate humbly and consistently in a state of surrender. Surrendering allows one to achieve a balance between the forces of ferocity, willpower and strength, and the merits of humility, grace and patience. It balances the male and female aspects in each of us. Without the practice of continual surrender in meditation, the subconscious ego will rule the day and you will get pulled into karmic cycles. The more success you achieve, the more distorted you’ll become.
We have countless examples of this pitfall in human behavior in our society today. “The Highly Successful Psychopath” is a very common phenomenon. A positively oriented ego will lose compassion and patience, becoming increasingly arrogant, hostile, and fed-up with people. They will justify their abusive behavior through other’s perceived shortcomings and slights. A negatively oriented ego will lose strength, determination and clarity, and become dependent, fear-based, doubtful and weak. This not only affects them, but drains everyone around them. We’ve all heard countless stories about gurus, teachers, celebrities, politicians and public figures of every kind behaving badly behind closed doors. In public, they present one face, but in private they can sometimes turn into abusive monsters. Their abusive side comes out in certain situations where they feel safe exercising their darkness. Such as being with their inner circle of friends and family, with their employees, or via their online interactions. Successful abusive people have a positively oriented ego, and their victims have a negatively oriented ego. They are both using each other and playing out their Karma.
The Magic Of Surrender
Surrendering your mind and heart to Spirit is like pushing the nitro button on your evolution. The Divine cannot force itself upon you and violate your free will, but once you surrender to it of your own accord, then the path is cleared and big changes can happen. This is what Jesus of Nazareth meant when he said, “Whosoever giveth up their life, shall save it.” (I’m non-religious, but have great respect for great teachings of any path.) Upon your surrender, Spirit will start to implement an accelerated plan of evolution in your life. Synchronicities will suddenly start to happen much more often, and they will show you exactly why you’re not ready to receive exactly what you want. This is when the real work begins! You start to work on yourself internally, based on what Spirit is showing you. Go deeply into introspection in meditation in a state of calm surrender. Allow any emotions or “darkness” that comes up to flow through your emotional body and be processed. Let it use your emotional body like a puppet, and let what needs to be processed and cleared go through you.
If you are dealing with severe depression, anxiety, trauma or other mental & emotional issues, then I’d recommend practicing Deep Pain Body Diving Meditation. Take it slowly, at a pace that is comfortable for you. Don’t let your ego get ambitious. Let your meditation time and schedule be guided by Spirit. Consistency is more important than length of time in meditation. I’d recommend meditating 6 days a week, twice a day. Take one day off each week to rest and clear. Eventually, your own consciousness will work out all the problems within and you will end up getting exactly what you want! It will magically manifest through synchronicity.
Exploring What You Want
If you don’t know exactly what you want, then allow yourself to relax and let go of your fears and worries, and dream of the life you’ve always wanted. All kinds of routes and paths will start to appear to you if you allow yourself to let go into your dream. Once you feel guided towards the path you really want, then simply start to seek it, demanding calmly and insistently from the Universe that this is what you want, letting yourself and the Universe know that you’ll settle for nothing less. Sometimes, as we learn about ourselves, we change our minds about what we want and this is perfectly OK. It’s part of the learning process. As long as you still feel perfectly satisfied with your goal, and are not settling for less, then it’s perfectly OK.
Don’t Give Up
Oftentimes after realizing what it is you really want, you’re hesitant to truly commit to pursuing those dreams. This is usually because you don’t really believe that those dreams are possible for you, and frankly, you’re just afraid. You’re afraid of what will happen if you allow yourself to truly let go. The only way past these blocks is to grit your teeth and make that leap, while at the same time continuing to work on yourself and practice surrendering in meditation. If you allow yourself to be defeated by fear and self-doubt, then you will forever be stranded in mediocrity. If you’re unable to make that leap at the present time, then keep meditating and surrendering, and calmly insisting on what you want. Eventually, you’ll become strong enough to make that leap and the leap won’t seem so big.
It’s OK to compromise temporarily, if you need to provide for a child or yourself, as long as you keep working calmly and insistently towards your goals. Don’t allow the temporary situation to become permanent. And getting by with less for awhile, sometimes much less, is perfectly OK. Poverty often allows one to avoid distraction and to cleanse oneself much faster, than if surrounded by physical luxuries or comforts that demand a high price in time or energy in return (such as living with toxic relatives). People in 3rd world countries get along just fine most of the time, with levels of financial and physical abundance that are so low that it is unimaginable for most of us in the western world. There’s nothing wrong with being super duper poor for awhile.
Coming Into Alignment
Finally, after much internal growth and struggle, at the right time and place, all will aright itself and come into alignment, and you will be living the life you really want. This happens quickly in some areas of life, and very very slowly in other areas. Give those slow areas the time they need to come into alignment without judging them. There are usually lifetimes and lifetimes of pain and karma behind those stubborn areas, and judging them is like beating already wounded children. Remember your Divine Mother and Father and accept their love for you into those areas especially. Be patient with yourself, and keep releasing and processing the pain that is stored there.
Regardless of your progress and outcome, and even after you succeed beyond your wildest dreams, keep meditating and surrendering. Eventually you will find happiness, peace and contentment, and become illumined with inner knowing. You will have transcended your mediocre self and become one of the Divine Children walking the Earth.
Namaste
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